Linger
by Pebr
Summary: A more realistic look at the episode 4 of season 4, "Dragon's Brew", where Leo was bitten by the mutant they were fighting. Rated T for injury.


**A/N: **I think everybody remembers how Leo acted in this season, so this is also a look at the dark thoughts Leo probably had during the season.

* * *

They had cornered Hun, and Casey stroke first. Hun grabbed his baseball bat, easily swinging Casey against the car behind them. Leo wasted no time attacking, but Hun avoided his kick and got a hold of his arm. It was easy for Hun to mash him against the floor, making Leo lose his grip on his swords. It always annoyed him to lose his swords, but getting his shell smacked against hard concrete kind of did that. At least nobody had broken his swords, not yet, at least. Hun was already raising him up, going to slam him down again, so Leo had to react. He relied on his flexibility and got himself behind Hun, pulling Hun's hand into an awkward position and making it crack. Hun went down with a grunt of agony and Leo leaped away, picking his swords up. It felt good to feel them in his hands again. Sheathing his other sword he walked towards the groaning Hun, looking coldly at his enemy.

Lately, he had been filled with such hatred towards everything that he'd gladly strike Hun down, here and now. The reason he had went out with Casey was to get rid of some of the rage the hatred had made him feel, but no matter how many sleepless nights he passed out kicking butt it didn't seem to help. It only seemed to _grow, _and Leo would've been worried if he had cared enough. The problem was he didn't care about anything but some action, wanting to escape this hatred and guilt. And he saw no other way than this, beating bad guys and _himself_ night after night.

But a growl stopped him from doing anything; Leo's head turned just in time to see a huge mutant sprinting towards him, its teeth sinking into his shoulder before he had time to move out of the way. Leo yelled in pain; the mutant's teeth didn't damage his shell, but its upper row of teeth sank easily into Leo's flesh. Leonardo could feel blood spilling from his shoulder as the monster lifted him up, jaws tightly around his shoulder. It started to shake its head, making its teeth sink in deeper. Leo couldn't stop yelling; the pain was horrible, blinding.

The knowledge that he couldn't do anything to this huge monster hurt as well. The monster seemed to like shaking him around; the world was spinning and his shoulder throbbing. Leo didn't let go of his sword but couldn't do anything with it; he couldn't think straight as everything spun. He knew he _should _be doing something else than yelling, but the shock of the attack made him numb. He shouldn't be shocked about something like this. Didn't it tell something about his life if he wasn't supposed to be in shock when a giant mutant was in the middle of tearing his arm off?

The thought of losing his hand actually made his head clear a bit. He'd never live that down. His arms were his swords and his swords were what he was.

But a clear head did nothing to help his situation; he commanded his sword-wielding hand, but the command was lost in the pain pulsing from his shoulder, making him dizzy again. At some point he could hear Casey's voice from somewhere above him, but he couldn't concentrate on the words. All he heard was the monster growling and his own shrieks echoing through the building; god it hurt.

With a few smacks from Casey the monster decided to let Leo go, and the feeling of teeth disappearing was sudden. It wasn't the most pleasant way to get released, flying through the air and hitting the ground behind some crates. Everything hurt, but now that the monster wasn't shaking him anymore he could actually think straight. First he had to breathe, all that yelling had made even such a simple task quite difficult. As he breathed the pain seemed to subside, but it didn't make his shoulder better. The feeling of not having teeth in him was enough though, so Leo forced himself to stand. He still had his hand, so there was nothing to worry about.

The movement made him feel dizzy, but Casey's yell made him snap out of it. Leonardo climbed on top of the crates, holding a sword in his injured hand and holding his shoulder with his better hand.

"Casey!" Leo yelled, jumping down to his friend.

"Man, Leo, I wish I had a shell", Casey whined, and Leo figured Casey had fell from quite a height. "One of those things would come in real handy!"

As Casey finished with his words he took a look at Leo, seeing all the blood. "Woah, Leo, you- look out!" Casey didn't get to finish as the mutant roared above them, the two of them just barely getting out of the way as the creature jumped down. They put some distance between them and the monster before pulling out their weapons and getting ready to face the monster.

"Alright ugly, let's dance!" Casey shouted, both of them ready, when the monster suddenly halted. The ring of a bell could be heard from outside, and the mutant seemed to gaze into its direction. It no longer paid any attention to Leo and Casey, making the two of them look at each other in confusion.

The creature roared in an almost sad manner, then deciding to sprint away and crash some crates as it went. "This just gets weirder and weirder", Casey said, scratching the back of his head. "Come on Casey, we can't just let this thing run fr–, guh", Leo couldn't finish as a sudden jolt of pain reminded him of his condition. He pressed his hand against the wound on his shoulder, only managing to soak his hand in blood.

"Leo, that wound looks pretty bad – we could just call your bros–", Casey started, worried about all the blood, but Leo shook his head. "No, we'll handle this", Leo insisted, his voice a low snarl. He hated being weak. He had to get rid of being weak. Leo knew he could be setting Casey to danger, but he couldn't admit to himself that a wound like this would critically slow him down. No, his burning need to not to be weak pushed their safety aside.

He didn't wait for Casey to answer, instead running off to chase the mutant. He knew Casey would follow.

Running made his pulse rise, making the throbbing in his shoulder increase, but he pushed it aside determinedly. There was still adrenaline running through his veins, and he trusted that it would get him through this. After that… well, it depended on how much blood he had lost. It didn't matter as long as they'd get the job done.

"Alright big guy – this is as far as you go!" Leo yelled as they surrounded the mutant. Once again Casey attacked first, his bat not seeming to do much damage as the monster easily swatted him away. The same fate followed Leo; the creature smacked him away and Leo found himself on the ground. He had lost count how many times he had been smacked to the ground just tonight, but his body seemed to remember all the bruises awfully well. Leo got a taste of just how well his body remembered as he tried to get up; he couldn't. _Enough,_ his body seemed to say. But this wasn't enough for Leo – _nothing _was enough.

It didn't change the fact he couldn't get up. Adrenaline didn't get him through everything; noted. He slumped back to the ground pathetically, unable to shake his dizziness. He heard Casey yell something about turtles not being on the menu, and he would've been grateful for Casey for coming to his rescue, but he was too mad at the fact he couldn't get up. So weak, always nothing but _weak. _He'd never chance. And if he wouldn't chance, nothing around him wouldn't.

But things _needed _to chance – and Leo needed to get up. Leo pushed with his hands, and this time his body cooperated with him. Leonardo gained his strength, jumping and kicking the monster. As he landed back to the ground he was suddenly surrounded in bright light, just barely avoiding gunshots coming down from the sky. They watched as the mutant fought against the cables the helicopter had thrown on it, and Leo noticed how one of the broken cables sliced a nearby tank. Not good.

"Casey, we have to run", Leo said, and they did. It was a good thing he had noticed the cable, had they started running any later they would've surely gotten caught into the explosion that bellowed behind them.

Leo was breathless, so much had happened and his senses had a hard time following. He pressed against the wound, hissing silently.

"Leo, what was that all about?" Casey asked as soon as they were in a safe distance. They watched the fire roar.

"I don't know, Casey. And I doubt we'll ever kno–…w." Leo's last word got muffled by a silent gasp which escaped him; the adrenaline was gone and all that was left was the fatigue and pain. Leo found himself leaning on the nearby building, not recalling doing that. Stars danced in his vision. He wanted to curse.

"–you hear me, Leo?" Casey's voice filled his hearing suddenly, and Leo realized he had been talking for a while now. Leo shook his head to clear his mind, patting Casey's hand away as it hovered close to his shoulder.

"'m fine, just..." Leo was a bit shocked at how muffled and weak his voice sounded. _Weak!_

Leonardo felt his legs begging for a permission to give up beneath him, but Leo forced himself to walk. He would _not _need help getting home. Absolutely not.

"I'll walk you", Casey said, as he couldn't really do anything else. He considered calling Raph or someone to meet them halfway, but figured out it would hurt Leo's pride or something. He didn't really get the whole thing, but it was clear that Leo wasn't his usual self. Casey didn't want to make the things worse. Besides, they weren't that far away.

But he couldn't deny that the amount of blood was very alarming.

* * *

Casey had to admit; he was quite impressed. Leonardo was pale and clearly struggled to make his walking look normal, yet he did it anyways without even much as a wince. When they got to the manhole Casey was about to follow, but Leo looked at him and spoke. "Thanks for tonight, Casey. I'll manage now."

And the turtle was gone. "Yeah, no prob, I guess", Casey said to thin air.

As soon as Leo was hidden in the shadows of the sewer he fell on his knees. He bit his lip to get his attention away from the pain on his shoulder, but it didn't help. It felt like the pain was just growing, and as he touched the wound again, he realized it was _still _bleeding. Not that much anymore, but still. Leo knew staying here would not make his dizziness go away, but it was so hard to get up. But he was close.

Leo managed to get to the lair, knowing it had taken him at least three times longer than usually. He knew it was late, but stealth mixed with almost unbearable dizziness was very difficult. Leo thought he was walking through the TV room, but noticed a few moments later that he had somehow managed to fall on the floor, which was, much to his displeasure, spinning quite a lot. Leo groaned, trying to roll onto his side as he had fallen on his hurt shoulder. His hands were sticky from the blood and he left red fingertips on the floor as he moved himself.

He didn't know when the humming in his ears turned into the humming of Don's machines. At some point he just opened his eyes to find himself from Don's lab, lying on some hastily thrown blankets. He rolled his head to his left, seeing nothing but computers, rolling it on the other side and seeing Mikey.

Mikey's hands were immediately on Leo's cheeks, guiding Leo's eyes up so he could see Mikey properly.

"Woah, Leo, way to scare us", Mikey's voice was full of relief, and for a moment Leo thought there were two of his orange-colored brothers before he realized it was Don who had kneeled next to Mikey. He felt fingers brush his shoulder, noticing it had been bandaged. Everything seemed to slide in place; of course it was bandaged. His brothers had found him bleeding from their living-room and had carried him here to fix him up. This wasn't the first time this had happened.

"Leo", Don breathed his name, smiling down on him. This was familiar; they were relieved he was alright, glad that they didn't have to worry for him anymore. Soon that would turn into scolding, telling him how he should've woken them up. They would never understand, so Leo would never bother explaining.

"Casey sent me a message, Leo", Don said, and Leo recognized the oncoming rant. It was weird to be the one receiving a rant; he was usually the one giving them. "I take it that you didn't let him help you. So don't think that he was wrong to send us a message, he probably saved your life by doing that." Don's face turned serious and he was about to continue, but didn't bother. He just shook his head. "But you already know that. I hope one day you'll also understand it."

After making sure the bandages were in place, Don left his side. Leo could taste the hurt; it lingered in the air. He had managed to not only hurt himself, but his brothers too. But wasn't that what he always did? Wasn't that the reason he was so hard trying to change himself, to be better? This was just the beginning. Leo would repeat this as many times as he had to. His brothers couldn't understand, and Leo wasn't sure if he understood himself, but he _knew. _He knew that if he kept pushing himself he'd get better. He couldn't keep repeating his mistakes and his failures. He'd repeat…

Mikey looked down at him with pity, patting his hand before leaving. _Pity._

The hurt lingered in the air.


End file.
